Modern Family

if there is a permutation of the term "Family" that mine doesn't cover, I'll bare my bum in Butibum. I'm adopted. I was married early to a man that became known to my friends as "Mr Charisma By-Pass". He is now known as "The Wasband" I have two children with him.

I spent ten years as a single parent before I met The Husbang, who is part Aboriginal (Guarna). He likes to blow shit up, hence the Bang bit. (see, it's NOT what you originally thought!) The Husbang bought me three step-monsters. He loves me to distraction, thinks I am the most beautiful woman in the world. When I was working as a vasectomy Nurse he seriously couldn't believe that my patients didn't get aroused by the mere presence of me in the operating room. Then I did his vas, and he realised that no matter how beguiled with me he was, the sight on me in scrubs, wielding a scalpel and some mosquito forceps, will make the most ardent suitor's testicles retract up their inguinal canal.

So, together, we have five kids. One is doing their Doctorate of Laws, one works in a highly specialised- almost artisanal-field of building restoration, one is gay, one has PCOS, one is between jobs, one is making up their mind what they want to do with their life.  Some are part Maltese, some are semi-related to Shakespeare

And if you were to meet us en masse, you'd be hard pressed to know which was which.

And then there's Vop.

So there you have us, my little bio/step/adopted/half/straight/gay/close/estranged/bi-racial/trans-continental/blended/odd Modern Family

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